To me, this is part of biblical Christianity's road to irrelevance. If we can create our own personal image of God, Christian life that suits us and individually, prioritized values, of what use is Christianity to the world that isn't already offered by many other religions who say things like, "trust in your higher power" or that hold a secular view of spirituality, which is whatever a person believes?   

Having a group of individuals with separate beliefs, morals and behaviors may seem like a trendy thing to believe in, but it banishes the possibility of ever developing a sense of oneness, or unity or community. How important is Christian community?  

Francis Schaeffer wrote The Mark of the Christian in which he said there are two things by which the world will stand up and take notice of and be attracted to Christianity. The first is love, "'A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another...by this all men will know that you are my disciples'" John 12:34,35). The second is community, "'...that they [Christians] may be one...so that the world may believe that You send Me [Jesus].'" How important is Christian community?

Salvation is an individual decision and commitment. We all need to establish our own personal relationship with God. But thereafter, He so desires we live for community--a unique and uncommon way of life that invites others to consider having a relationship with God. How important is Christian community? 

Research upholds the value of community in that it adds years to our lives, whether it is being one with a marital partner or being a participant in a cancer survivor support group. Community is all natural and the healthy choice, physically, emotionally and spiritually. There are few things in life more important than community, but few opportunities to experience in depth community. It is unfortunate that what many Christians refer to as having a sense of community is truly so short of what could be, what God desires and what we really need. Deep, need-meeting community is rare in America. Have you ever asked yourself why this is so? And what needs to be done to help answer Jesus' prayer request for community?

For some additional info, visit Alan Knox's post: Christian Community vs. Personal Religious Experience at 

http://www.alanknox.net/2009/07/christian-community-vs-personal-religious-experience/

Triangulations in a relationship are common, here it is your son that is triangulated in the marriage. In terms of perception, it is crucial to look beyond the third party, that being your son. (Not that at some point your son's relationship with you and with his stepfather(?) may need attention and/or adjustment.) Couple's often get stuck in this situation or spend much time trying to resolve the relationships between three people. However, that is the wrong diagnosis and, therefore, treatment. I have frequently found when a third party, be it a person, work, etc., is no longer significantly influencing a marital relationship deeper issues surface--most often the marriage is troubled. Based on what you have shared, your marriage has been troubled for a long time. You want to keep your marriage healthy, but from what you have said, your marriage is not yet in a healthy zone. 

I want to challenge you not to accept continuing on in the same fashion with your son and husband. To do so will only serve to petrify people's emotions and harmful behaviors. Consequently, over the years, there will be little left for anyone to work with. Having asked for some advice could mean you are indeed ready for something more or different. May I suggest you continue in prayer, but move beyond to some other needed action, specifically counseling. There are many possible reasons for the long-term martial conflict, and I don't think it would be helpful to speculate. However, couple counseling would help you both see the problems in your marriage and find solutions. If your husband is unwilling to get help, go by yourself. Often spouses are willing to join the one participating in treatment once he or she has been a few times and has shown some signs of progress. But even if he never attends, counseling can help you gain insight and set some, I strongly suspect, needed boundaries with your husband and make other objective and wise decisions.

Lord bless your efforts to help yourself, your marriage and work out a good relationship with your son. 

More common is the story of Jen who remains true to her husband who has had a few affairs over the course of their marriage and is addicted to pornography. 

Sandi and Jen have their reasons for handling the critical marriage in their own way. Sandi may have wanted to end the relationship and found a "Biblical" way of calling it quits. Or it may have been that she had little tolerance for conflict and pain or had a limited sense of mercy due to her father cheating on her mother. Jen, on the other hand, might believe in endless understanding and forgiveness, knowing we all have a sin nature and that she isn't perfect. She may believe that God gives all people unlimited chances and had no choice but to forgive and stay. Or Jen might have been very fearful of hurting her children by leaving or insecure about venturing out into the world on her own that she chose to stay in a tortuous marriage.

Of course, there are many more possible reasons why people like Sandi and Jen chose to do what they do. In my opinion, crises reveal the true nature of our character, usually for good and ill. Conflicts and tragedies bring out the best and worst in us, even if we only reveal just the one side. Here are some of the questions we need to ask ourselves in a crisis: 

What do I want to do (emotional)? 

What should I do (conscience and reasoning)? 

What do I believe God wants me to do (spiritual)? 

What are others saying about it? 

What, if anything, is the Bible saying about how I could rightly respond? 

What have I been fantasizing about doing?  

How fast or how slow should I proceed?     

How are my own history and character helping and hindering me in handling this crisis?

Though I believe anyone has the right and spiritual freedom to end a marriage if a partner has an affair, I firmly believe that an established pattern of behavior is key to decision-making. There is no question that we all fall very short of doing what we should do and being who we should be. Those in recovery often fall once, twice, even three times during the first year. To give a person no chance after a mistake, even a very serious one, reveals something not only about the offender, but the offended, that needs to be understood. Similarly, a person who lacks relational boundaries and continues on in a relationship when there is a pattern of destructive behavior says much about the offended person. Taking that position gives an offender the knowledge that no matter what he or she does, you, the offended, will never leave, which, unfortunately, will most often be taken as a license to give in to their harmful ways. Sharp and painful consequences are a deterrent to continuing acting out behaviors. 

If something acts like a duck, quacks like a duck and does it more than two or three times, it is a duck. In that sense, past behavior predicts future behavior, but only when there is a pattern. 

Most Christians I have talked to have some concern about what's recorded under their name in the heavenly books. They ask, "Will I be embarrassed or ashamed when my errors and sins are brought to light?" or simply, "What will happen?" being that the full events are not detailed in Scripture.  What do you think about when you imagine standing before the all knowing God on that day? 

Since His judgments are not like any man's judgment, no one can know with full certainty what will take place. Yet, we do our best to search, reason and come to an understanding of the day that will be the most awesomely feared by the clear majority and a day in which those "in Christ" come to supremely value and cherish Him and the phrase's true and lifesaving meaning. It will be a heavenly and sacred day and it will be a hellish and horrid day.

What can people expect to hear about themselves at the Throne of Judgment (Revelation 20:11-15)? I imagine the books, one of which is the book of life, are opened in the absolute silence of a place in space unlike any we have every experienced or imagined. In any direction we look, there is a never-ending sea of people and spirits, as the calming and frightening light of the God of Truth illumines all. Perhaps names are called according to one's time of birth or creation. From the books on heavenly deeds (not all angels, but Satan and his army) and earthly deeds are read the actions of every spirit and person whose name is not listed in the book of life. After which, I imagine some pleading conversation from many about to be sentenced. I imagine our God of justice filled also with grief as He sentences each to a second death where the pain of hopelessness overwhelms, where there is no hope for clemency, ever. Each is thrown into the lake of fire, an eternal punishment. (Like the late John Stott [theologian, author], I am agnostic when it comes to knowing if the eternal part of punishment means painful, conscious awareness for eternity or it means that the decision and consequences are eternal, where the second death means an eternal end of consciousness.) Either way, it is severe and truly unimaginable.

Christians, on the other hand, I strongly believe, will have a different story to tell when the day is done.  I imagine the books of deeds (good and bad) and the book of life are opened, but before the deeds are read in gross detail, Jesus will interrupt and say, "I know Frank. he belongs to me. Do not read his portion from the book of sins for I have paid for them in full. Is not his name written in the book of life? Read instead from the books of works and let Us see if they can stand the test of Our judgment or are wood, hay or stubble." Then, I wait, speechless, for the discernment of God. I wait for His penetrating eyes to turn again to me, as He gives a final pronouncement of unforgettable words. I hope the last words will be similar to these: "'Well done, good and faithful servant. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master'" (Matthew 25:21). At long day's end, I imagine being transported back to heaven, then walking with throngs of saints heading to our dwellings with joy and broad smiles of relief from being rescued, yet with tear-stained faces, the consequence of so many who are not walking with us. (The final end of all pain comes sometime after the Judgment--see Revelation 21.)

Some days I succeed in living in the thought of that future. I am a better person when I do and I live more securely for I know Jesus has my back.

God is not easy to understand nor His methods simple, but are: demanding, perplexing, extreme and radical. Disturbing to many is the idea that God chose not to communicate plainly and simply, but in a way that seems to hide truth in muddy waters. He spoke in parables. His reason? Well, that is troubling as well.  In Mark 4:12 we find, "'To you [disciples] has been given the mystery of the kingdom of God, but those who are outside get everything in parables, so that while seeing, they may see and not perceive, and while hearing, they may hear and not understand, otherwise they might return and be forgiven.'"  

God is not an easy taskmaster. Some dare to think, if He wants all to come to faith in Him, why make it difficult? Why not make getting into heaven simple or, at least, simpler? Why not provide a few absolute proofs, which would still require us to live by faith to overcome other competing and troubling points of doubt? Why make the road to salvation so up hill, so full of sinkholes and seemingly insurmountable obstacles? Why make a relationship with God so difficult by His requiring we do the hardest thing in the world--die to self. Do you really understand how awesomely scary and gargantuan that task is? To hate our life? To completely let go of control? To let go of a rope and allow ourselves to fall into the darkness of night?

God is not the perfect deliverer. We Christians believe God is good and without a quark (proton particle) of evil. We believe He is our deliverer from circumstances  and people who could unintentionally or intentionally harm us. We have the evidence of Scripture and the testimony of all Christians who have been delivered from their former lives and from tragic situations and even death. Yet, He is not the perfect parent we imagine He could be or should be, from our view. Often, He seems to take forever to help, especially when our pain is present and persistently overwhelming. Think about this true story: how was it that God allowed a girl in middle childhood with a sincere faith in Him and who consistently prayed for deliverance to remain in the torture and trauma of sexual abuse by her father into her late teens? How about this? How is it that one Christian makes his flight while another Christian misses that same flight? A flight that will not reach its intended destination. Why rescue some and not others? Why does God not deliver all who pray in faith believing from cancer or other illnesses, loneliness, being bullied, traffic accidents and divorce? Of course, the number of questions and circumstances could nearly reach infinity. Horrific things happening to people, in particular to good people, leave many with doubts about God and silently asking questions like: Why God? Where are You? and Do You exist? There are many, many challenges to our faith in the few short years we live as the result of what God is not. 

The intent of God in choosing or allowing some of these circumstances to exist in this world is not to harm us, shatter our faith, or keep us at a distance. It is not because He sleeps, is too busy or doesn't love us. They exist because of evil in the world and people's failure to heed God's wisdom, but also because they are intended to help grow our faith and relationships, to become personally stronger, to live like radical Jesus and see us through the next, often naturally occurring challenge. Sometimes we get mad at God who doesn't make life easier, especially when we feel overwhelmed and beyond ourselves and hope. Like with Jonah, He encourages us to openly talk with Him about our anger, as well as other troubling thoughts and feelings. He's quite big enough to handle our puny anger and hard questions.

I can tell you what has helped me in facing and coping with the hard realities of life and the tragic stories I have heard in my 30-plus years of counseling, all without having a negative effect on my faith. I can honestly say, as a very young child and before I became a Christian I never doubted the existence of God. And from the time I became a Christian at 24 years old to today, I have never doubted His existence or my future with Him. Seriously, not once. To me, it doesn't feel like I live by faith, but by an indisputable knowledge and reality, as if I had already walked the highways of heaven, knelled at His majestic throne and seen the face of my Savior and Brother, Jesus. Consequently, I am secure in my salvation, which is now, thanks to Jesus, completely independent of any of my surprisingly (to me) sneaky, carnal feelings, thoughts and behavior. 

What helped me get to that way of thinking and living? Some of it is a mystery. Some of it is from God. What I do know is that it is greatly influenced by this belief: "There is an answer to every question and a solution to every problem." When I come upon a logically supported idea, belief, or so called scientific fact that refutes His existence or goodness, I know there are a multitude of ways that can explain the problem, even if I can't see it at the moment, or ever see it. I don't engage in blind faith and simply move on, but I actively use my faith in pursuit of truth, without fear of what I may discover. I am an explorer at heart. I love to search out ideas and facts beyond what is presented or assumed. In doing so, I find there is always, always more. Every answer leads to ten more questions. That which is uncovered yields surprising freedom, deep peace, a transformed life and a mingling of deep knowledge with triumphant faith. It is up to each of us to search out the answers to every question and solutions to every problem by using the power of our minds, the sensitivities of our hearts, our God-birthed spirits, the leading of His Spirit and His imparted gifts, such as discernment and wisdom. In the end, the numerous triumphs have resulted in my not needing an answer to every question or solution for every problem. Past success has put my heart at ease, sufficient, I believe, for the rest of my days.  Although, I will never stop asking and searching for I love the process and the discovery. One of the positive consequences of all this is I am not afraid of exploring any issue or asking any question. I am not afraid of what I will find nor is it ever in vain.

Without the continued existence of difficult situations and troubling questions faith would be unnecessary. When we meet God face to beautiful, long-awaited face, difficult situations, troubling questions and faith will cease to be. All doubt and pain will finally breathe their last. It's all going to happen, I promise. 

Thank you for your question! I am sorry to hear of your tough circumstances, but glad to see you are reaching out for some help. Mature, faith-healthy Christians can suddenly experience overwhelming anxiety and/or depression, and often those two problems go hand in hand. They can develop as a result of biological or medical problems, such as thyroid issues, and/or from stressors, such as a significant loss, like a job. I do not believe God is disturbed with a person in any way because of the changes brought about as the result of depression. He understands the consequences of the loss of feelings about Him and the desire to be actively involved in church or even more generally, in life. 

It is also not uncommon for depressed persons to feel detached from all kinds of pleasure, including feeling connected to and enjoying one's relationship with God.  Frequently, they lack the motivation to seek involvement in activities, like seeking employment and job interviewing. Some who are moderately to severe depressed, will experience suicidal thoughts, whether passive (just thoughts with no intent to really harm themselves; they may wish God would take them home to heaven) or active (have thought about when and how they might end their misery through death). Hope is often lost for those with more serious depression. A person experiencing any of these symptoms should seek professional help. 

If active suicidal thoughts are present, it is best to share this with a trusted friend and family and seek immediate help from 911 or a local hospital. If there are no active suicidal thoughts, I suggest seeing your primary caregiver to rule out any medical causes for the anxiety and depression. It should be noted, research has shown long-term depression is strongly associated with serious health problems, such as heart disease. Therefore, it is very important to treat depression and not simply try to ride it out. Your medical doctor will determine if testing or medication is warranted for your presenting symptoms. After that, if your doctor determines mental health counseling is needed (it often is) or you want it, seek a referral for that help.

At our Christian Center we have trained therapists who can handle both anxiety and depression, as well as spiritual issues, and would be most willing to assist you in your recovery.  We take a holistic approach to treatment in considering how the body, mind and spirit affect illness, as well as healing. 

He has not forsaken you and I don't believe, from your comments, you have forsaken Him. 

We treat a variety of addictions, such as substance and sexual, through individual and/or group therapy. We do not have a specific program, such as Twelve-Step, but our direction and purpose is clear. If a person is currently using an addictive substance, we recommend he or she enter a treatment program, such as AA and connect with a sponsor, both of which provide support, accountability and basic knowledge about oneself and addiction. In tandem with that we offer a more personally supportive, insight oriented treatment, which helps people understand and work through what individually motivates and drives them (consciously and unconsciously) toward addictive behavior. 

AA programs, for example, treat symptoms of and what triggers addictive behavior (a cognitive/behavioral treatment approach) and may encourage growth through dependence on their higher power . Our treatment goes beyond will power and elementary self-understanding, which are fragile components to recovery. We take it a step further by changing the heart and understanding the "whys" of behavior or, to say it differently, understanding and changing one's human nature and its interaction with one's spiritual self. Our primary goal is to help turn down the emotional or motivational dial to addictive acting out. That in turn provides relief from the overwhelming desire and puts some healthy self-control back into the hands of the individual, while learning to rest in a deeper relationship with God and His work on his or her behalf.   

Worthington has developed a challenging model of forgiveness called REACH. The following is a condensed explanation of the model, which in no way denies facing and working through emotions, such as anger and grief, and the far reaching and sometimes invisible impact of the offense. When we have successfully diminished our pain and loss, we are freer to positively focus on the offender and forgiveness. Forgiveness is a process, and Scripture does not tell us how long it should take between recognizing an offense and offering forgiveness. From my view, as long as we are genuinely on a path toward forgiving a penitent offender, God is pleased.

R - Recall the hurt without getting stuck in blame or self-pity.

E - Empathize with the offender by getting into their world of thoughts, motives, feelings, vulnerabilities, etc.

A - Altruistically, give the gift of forgiveness, as well as a tangible gift that represents forgiveness. Exercise compassion.

C - Commit publicly to forgive. Since forgiveness can be fragile, write a letter of forgiveness and tell others.

H - Hold on to forgiveness. Recall or imagine positive experiences and characteristics of the offender. The character of any offender is more than just can be concluded by one act. 

C.S. Lewis once wrote, “Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have someone to forgive.” There is almost always a gap between what we imagine our thoughts, feelings and actions would be in a given situation and the reality of being in it. We can learn to close that gap and model for the world the art and process of Christian forgiveness as God intended. When we do it according to the truth of Scripture, it is good for the offended, the offender and all who witness the story, whether God or the spirits in heaven or humans on earth. 

Make no mistake, as God will not forgive everyone (there is a hell--separation from God), so we are not required to forgive all. Excluded from His and our forgiveness are those who refuse to confess and repent, according to Luke 17:3,4. Without confession and repentant there is no forgiveness of sin or salvation. Also, there are other alternatives for managing and working out potentially destructive feelings than just through forgiving.

(For more on the subject of Biblical forgiveness, righteous withholding of forgiveness and dealing with troubled emotions, see the detailed article "Theologies That Wound: A Study of Biblical Forgiveness" in our Shop on our website.)

 

More young people are living at home today, even in their 30's, which may be viewed as a problem with dependency/immaturity. Today, living at home is often related to our troubled economy. Another reason could be the devastating loss of security, trust and confidence when a person's parents separated or divorced. For others it may be about a lack of direction or motivation to develop one's career. 

Your companion seems interested in improving himself through education, which is a responsible decision. Yet, it is not the only thing by which one would evaluate a person's independence and responsibility. Without additional information about his and your views and personal/ relational histories, any conclusion I might reach would only amount to a guess. 

Given the frequency of divorce for Christians or non-Christians (about 50% for first time marriages), it would be wise to seek preengagement or premarital counseling to discuss your concerns in detail. I am of the strong opinion that every couple should enter counseling to evaluate their relationship prior to marriage and seek a counselor's predictions about the couple's future relationship, which is based on a detailed history taking. Afterward, couples have a better understanding of themselves and are sufficiently informed so they can make a wise decision about whether or not to marry their partner.      

The article contrasts a traditional view of heaven, which many Christians hold, with one that is not well understood, but well supported by Scripture. The author poses this question: "What if Christianity is not about enduring this sinful, fallen world in search of a reward of eternal rest?" Is heaven meant to be seen only as a place to go to after death; something to passively wait for? Is heaven a spiritual world completely separate from this earthly world?  Is it only to be seen as a tangible place with pearly gates? Is it about rejoining with loved ones or just about the praise and worship of Jesus at the throne described in Revelation, chapter 4? Seemingly, according to the experiences and needs of people, so goes their focus on and view of what heaven will be like. For example, Meacham says that African Americans, during the Civil War, viewed heaven as a "glorious afterlife, a release from their earthly chains." In the loss of a loved one, do we not primarily think of heaven as a happy occasion to be reunited?

Here is another view that is being theologically debated and, I believe, makes rational and Biblical sense and definitely has the greater potential to impact the way we live life on earth. Heaven and earth are not completely disconnected, but are connected now and at the last. Meacham quotes Nicholas Thomas Wright (former Anglican bishop of Durham, England), "Heaven, in the Bible, is not a future destiny but the other, hidden dimension of our ordinary life--God's dimension, if you like," It appears Wright is not denying a non-earthly heaven, but suggesting there is more. 

In my view, there is a tangible, temporary heaven (the throne of Revelation 4) and the permanent heaven to be created, the New (Greek, restored) Jerusalem (Revelation 22:1,2) that will come down to the new (Greek, restored) earth. The two shall be united at the last. But God also desires the two meld in the every day life of each Christian.

There is also an intangible heaven that exists in the here-and-now on earth. It is a spiritual sense of heaven. We find this in the words of Jesus when He speaks about the "kingdom of heaven." It is present; something we can enter now and not have to wait until we die to enter. It is now that we are "disciples of the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 13:52). We are told to "seek His kingdom" and that He gladly gave us this kingdom (Luke 12:31,32). This kingdom is not a place, but a matter of heart; a belief and set of principles to live by. We are to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth; to begin the transformation process of earth into heaven by our way of life and Spirit-driven good works.

Bringing heaven to earth is a responsibility of all Christians. It is our purpose in life. It is our life's work where we covenant with God to devote ourselves to speaking the truth that overtakes destructive falsehood, spins and lies, establishing peace that unites people in harmony, acting in righteousness that subdues evil, and freely giving love that encourages the faint-hearted, feeds the hungry, and seeks justice for all people. The unseen heaven on earth presses us to not just pass through this life, but to make a difference and reveal the life of God and His goodness and hope on earth as the foreshadow of that which lies beyond.      

Psychologist, forgiveness researcher and author Robert D. Enright, Ph.D. at the University of Wisconsin-Madison offers specifics on how to forgive. He writes about the discovery of and working through (not sidestepping) emotions, such as anger and shame. He takes a depth view and asks forgivers to consider how one's history of being offended impacts how one currently is managing an offense and complicates the process. He believes forgiveness is a choice. The further "work" of forgiveness, from his view, includes: building empathy for offender, understanding the impact of offender's early life experiences, seeing the perpetrator as a fellow human being and separating the offense from the offender (that last thought can only be done to a point. It makes sense in that one can see beyond the offense to the good in the person and not take a defensive position called splitting where one classifies an offender as "all bad.")  He also differentiates between forgiveness and reconciliation (Biblically, we are required to forgive a repentant person, but not required to reconcile). He recommends a shift from victim to survivor role by courageously bearing pain (accepting what pain remains after working though it as much as possible). Lastly, Enright suggests writing a compassionate biography of the offender and even giving him or her an emotional or tangible gift.  To these I would add, reacquaint yourself with all that God has forgiven you, as it makes it easier to forgive another. 

Please post a comment about what you struggle with in forgiving another and/or what makes forgiving possible for you. 

The contemporary definitions are: 

Extroversion--those who are oriented toward the outer world of others and things and are more out-going, sociable and openly expressive. (Nothing negative here.)

Introversion--those who are oriented toward their own inner world and more reserved, quiet, skeptical, selfish and tend to be loners. (Nothing really positive here.)

Ambivert--an equal balance between introversion and extroversion.

It is important to keep in mind that the following comments on the downside of extroverts and the good news for introverts are generalized. Not every description with fit every person and the degree to which it is a weakness or strength will vary from person to person.

NOT SO GOOD NEWS FOR EXTROVERTS

Extroverts have many relationships, but they are superficial, are poor listeners, love the limelight, more apt to be addicted, inattentive to details, not good predictors of future events, are impulsive and don't adequately consider consequences. There are several myths surrounding the ability of extroverts, such as, extroverts make the best leaders. But research shows there is only a modest correlation between leadership ability and extroversion.

GOOD NEWS FOR INTROVERTS

Introverts typically have deeper relationships, are humble, modest, sensitive, deep thinkers and reflective. Research shows that many large company CEO's are introverts and one study found the eleven highest performing American companies all had introverts for CEO's.

So, you don't have to try and be more extroverted or ashamed of being an introvert anymore. Both have their place in relationships, the business world and in church leadership, even the pastorate.  

(This blog only highlights a few of the particulars about introversion and extroversion. If you want the full article and a more comprehensive research review and suggested readings on the subject, please return to our website and sign up for our bimonthly Navigator Newsletter. That Newsletter article will be emailed on April 1st, so be sure to sign up before that date.)

Human conscience is never exactly like God's, if we can ascribe that to Him. At least we can say His understanding of right and wrong is beyond our understanding. Human conscience is either underdeveloped or over developed. Either it has too few personal rules to guide one's life or too many rules that translate into a mountain of have to's, must's and should's. 

Those who have an underdeveloped or "seared" (1 Timothy 4:2) conscience typically have a greater sense of freedom to do what they want and don't often experience guilt. Our prisons are filled with these people. Our society's secular, underdeveloped, collective conscience says most anything is permissible, as long as it doesn't hurt others, such as: using illegal substances, having sex or children outside of marriage, being gay, and aborting a pregnancy. Some of these people believe that to have opposing laws infringes on individual rights. But there is no such thing as absolute liberty. Everywhere there must be some order and instructive laws because evil or sin rests in the hearts of people. In the end, at the final judgment, it is the conscience of God that will reveal and clarify what is truly right and wrong.

At the other end of the spectrum are those who consciences are overflowing with rules. These are hypercritical, often judgmental and at least somewhat rigid about morality (for the very rigid, morality for everyone is determined by the rigid's own personal conscience). Most often these people are guilt-prone, self-flagellating or hard on themselves, perfectionistic, black and white thinkers, limited in joy, strict and can be legalistic. This type of conscience can lead to anxieties and depressions. Paul warns about attempting to live primarily by the law and not by the Spirit (Galatians 3:1-5). The conscience is a fallible guide, not God nor a perfect law, but very necessary.

The Christian's job is to maintain a "clear conscience" (1 Timothy 3:9) and respect it is the second law (the Bible is first) that instructs us about moral decisions and how to live. But equally important to keeping it clear is the full recognition that everyone's conscience (beliefs, morality) must continually be challenged, changed and grow into the likeness of God's sense of right and wrong. All the while knowing we can never achieve a perfect conscience. Therefore, we should never settle for the conscience we have or believe it is good enough because there is always another critical and sturdy rung on the ladder of a good conscience to climb.

Today, you may hear caffeinated coffee offers drinkers some particular health benefit, while tomorrow you could hear something detrimental about ingesting your cup of Joe. What is one to believe? Perhaps the answer lies in a truth about medication--meds help to prevent or cure those with illness or disease, but all meds also contain a little poison. Another important point is that researchers don't always know if it is the caffeine or other coffee ingredients, such as antioxidants (cancer preventing), or minerals or other unknown substances, that account for several health benefits suggests by a number of studies.

Some of the promising research on caffeinated coffee show it reduces the risk for: diabetes (even Type 2 by controlling blood sugar), some heart diseases, depression in women (up to 20% for those drinking 5 and a half 8 oz. cups a day), some types of headaches, basal cell skin cancer, and Alzheimer's disease (in those who imbibe in mid-life and older age). It can also decrease body-weight, perhaps because it alters one's appetite. There is some controversy about whether it increases alertness. Perhaps it feels that way because it tends to enhance one's mood and increase one's felt energy.

However, caffeine is contraindicated for those who have anxiety or an anxiety disorder (general, panic, etc.), most sleep disorders (disrupts sleep for morning people, but not for night owls), most likely mania, arrhythmia, those taking certain medications, children (including OTC energy drinks), teens (may decrease appetite resulting in eating less and thereby disrupt or retard their growth spurt) and perhaps pregnant women (miscarriages). Though the FDA says that 24 ozs. a day is moderate and causes no adverse health problems, you know your body, and you must be your own judge about whether or not to drink coffee or how much you can take without experiencing side effects, such as becoming jittery, nervous, impatient, irritable or other negative changes in your body or personality.  

Since caffeine can be addictive, caution should be exercised. We are not to become a slave to or mastered by any person, or thing or substance, but only a slave to the obedience of God and righteousness (Romans 6:12-14).

So, what do you think? Is caffeinated coffee a vice or a virtue to you? This is one of those judgments that must be made by each individual and cannot be determined by others for others.

I've finished my cup of coffee. Hey, it wasn't Maxwell House, but it was good to the last drop. 

L

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Love's importance cannot be overestimated. Scripturally, all the law is summed up in love; it is the first and second greatest commandment; God "is" love; and love creates unity and community in the Christian world, which in turn serves as the greatest witness for Christ that will ever exist, besides Jesus Himself. How Christians treat one another does not go unnoticed by those looking for a better life. In the end, they evaluate individuals and the church-at-large as to whether we have something more substantial and genuine to offer. Do you think we Christians are doing a good job? 

"All we need is love" is profound, if that love is conceived in truth and righteousness. It must also be understood, taken in and given away. You cannot give away what you don't understand or possess. Just because God and His love is in a person doesn't guarantee that others will see and experience that love--the individual personality and maturity are other factors to seriously consider. What do you think the world sees in us? What do you see in the general Christian community? Does love radically stand out?

The Christian church is great transition around the world. There is a growing return to a more simple form of church in small groups, as it was in New Testament times. According to Barna Research, about one million born-again Christians leave the traditional American church every year. Here are two significant issues concerning this event. First, people have become disappointed, frustrated and wounded by and distrusting of church. Many wonder about its relevancy in it's present institutional state. Guess what I believe is the single, most crucial reason why this is so?  Yea, the most important spiritual law is love and it is the one most often misunderstood and violated by the church that leads many into pain. Second, I believe God will redeem His church in part by using this exodus to prepare Christians for another round of persecution, which may very well signify that the end of time is at hand. It is Christian small groups that will emerge and survive during the time of Jacob's trouble or the coming predicted tribulation, some of which Christians will experience. Perhaps there is nothing that can create unity, bonding, love and the need for one another quiet like persecution, which causes people to seriously connect and depend on one another. But God's redemption here should not be taken as an excuse to avoid the dire responsibility to learn to love well and, thereby, rebuild His church. 

Agape love is said to be the highest form of love in the universe. It is not about feelings, but about a decision and a commitment to care for the welfare of another, whether or not you are loved in return. This is the love we are to have even for our enemies. This love doesn't require loving feelings to act lovingly. Despite not feeling love for another, one can always act lovingly because it an act of the will and a choice. If you want to know true freedom, the peace and presence of God flowing in and through you and the frequent consequential loving feelings that evolve from agape love then seek to know its depth, find others who can express this love, or learn to, soak it in and then give it away. Dare to love radically like Jesus.

To support his belief he states that one-half of all births to women 30 years of age and under are born out of wedlock. I could not confirm the accuracy of that claim or that the rate of illegitimate births are, amazing if true, 73% for Blacks, 53% for Latinos and 29% for Whites.  This is not only a values/morals issue, but a health issue. The Center for Disease Control (CDC) state that children born to nonmarried couples are at higher risk for complications, such as: low birth weight, preterm birth and infant mortality.

The CDC also reports during 2000 and 2010 the U.S. population increased almost 10%, while during the same period there has been a steady decrease in the number of marriages--17%. The CDC holds that by age 30 one-half of all women have cohabited. Psychological studies have shown these couples are not as happy as married couples.

With the decrease in the number of marriages in the U.S. and the societal acceptability and increase in sexual activity, due in part to Internet pornography, it is understandable why there is an increase in illegitimate births. However, I believe one of the chief reasons for the decrease in marriage is due to the breakdown of the family structure--affairs, separations and divorces. This ultimately leads to doubts and insecurities in young people about the safety of marriage and questions about the necessity of marriage. They don't want to endure another family breakup, nor do they want their children to have to go through it. This thinking, I believe, leads younger people to postpone commitments to things like marriage and career. 

What reasons do you think account for the decrease in U.S. marriages?   

Generally speaking, defense mechanisms (denial, suppression, projection, reaction formation, sublimation, some laughter, etc.) are necessary, especially early in life when children are not yet sophisticated enough to use other means to help themselves. Defense mechanisms are limiting due to their sole aim of cutting off threatening thoughts and feelings and rendering them unconscious. If used too frequently or one relies primarily on one or two of them to manage most all problems of life, they become maladaptive and prevent wounded people from adjusting to and/or modifying or eliminating them.

A better way to deal with the tough problems of life is through coping strategies--using actions and/or thoughts to modify problems and/or one's reaction to problems. Problem-focused coping attempts to alter the problem or stressor itself, while emotion-focused coping aims at modifying one's response to the problem. When we can't modify or eliminate a problem, such as grief over the loss of a loved one, we can shift our strategy to managing our reaction (thoughts and feelings) to the loss. One approach finding popularity and success over life's problems is mindfulness. Briefly, it is developing awareness and coming to acceptance of "what is" in the here-and-now, within a person and in the environment.

Mindfulness has successfully been applied to smoking cessation.  One study looked at the effectiveness of mindfulness, which encouraged participants not to avoid but to be aware and accept their addiction, cravings, withdrawal symptoms and mood fluctuations while attempting to quit smoking. To use this approach takes courage for one must face the problem and one's reactions. At the end of the four week treatment 36% of this group stopped smoking compared to 15% who participated in a treatment of behavior modification, stress reduction and relapse avoidance. This held up after 17 weeks--31% abstinence verses 6%.1

Many people want to avoid troubling feelings and thoughts and attempt to do so through defense mechanisms and by trying to get rid of the problem altogether. Some fear a relapse or the loss of control by facing their strong feelings. Here, caution should be exercised, but fear should not rule. The research suggests many benefit from looking within themselves, managing their thoughts and feelings and not permitting fear to dictate an avoidant approach. This is what Jesus did throughout His life. He knew He was going to die and how it was to happen. He faced His thoughts and feelings many times over, as we see, for example, in His Garden prayers before His arrest.

Jesus didn't only say, "'In the world you have tribulation,'" He also said in that same verse that the disciples could have His peace and He supported them to "take courage [face life's problems]; I have overcome (Greek-conquered) the world.'" In verse 32 Jesus said He and His disciples (past and, by implication, present) are not alone, the Father is with Him and us, always. 1 John 5:4,5 tell us what overcomes the world (and tribulation)--courageous faith, to which we can add hope in such things as knowing all problems and pain will one day cease.   

1 Miller, Michael Craig, M.D, Editor. Mindfulness training helps people quit smoking. Harvard Mental Health Newsletter. January 2012: Vol.28, No. 7, p. 7.

He replied, "Well, I have a few wet dollars in my wallet and a couple of credit cards. I'd like to take you to lunch and meet my family."

"Thank you, what else do you have?" said the brave man.

The saved man stumbled a bit and said, "I have a car that I used to drive here, and I own a house. And uh, a checking account and a retirement fund."

The brave man said, "Wonderful! Those things I can use, too. Do you think that is too much to pay for saving your life? What else do you have?"

The bewildered man reluctantly responded, "Nothing else but time. You probably wouldn't be interested, but I am married and I have two children."

"Good! I will take all those as well," he said as he smiled and started to walk away. Then he stopped, turned and faced the saved man, "I don't need those possessions at the moment. But should there come a time when I do, I will let you know. Until then, take care of these precious things for me."  

__________

Surrendering oneself first requires a willingness to give up one's life, the specifics of which are individualistic. Second, it is giving up all control to God. This includes losing our ego, our sinful self, our choices, our possessions, our freedoms, our rights, and our constructed lives to Him (we keep our personality). 

Surrender is all or nothing. It requires everything we are and everything we own, now and in the future. Everything in our own personal world is His, no exceptions. In a moment in time we commit our lives and possessions into His care and for His use. Such is the case of salvation which comes in a moment in time. Yet, like salvation, surrender is also a recurring event where we "die daily," as Paul eloquently stated. In so doing, we wonderfully and surprising discover we have a richer and more meaningful life, free from the cares of this world.

Christian researcher, George Barna, found there are ten stops on a person's spiritual journey or on the way to spiritual maturity--ignorance of sin, awareness but indifference to sin, concerned about the potential effects of sin, accepting Christ, increased religious activity, holy discontent (15-30 years after becoming a Christian and 9 of 10 people don't get here), brokenness (many drop out of church and most who get to this stage run from the brokenness), capable of deep surrender and submission, profound connection (loved-based) with God, and extreme love for people. (To me, those who are significantly impacted by a salvation experience may have very strong feelings about and believe they have reached the pinnacle of being surrendered and submitted, connected to God and loving others. But it appears there are degrees of surrender, etc., much like faith. It can be potent and a strong feeling-based experience, but may lack deep roots that hold up under stress and temptation.)

To achieve the depth of true surrender there are sins and mental health issues that must be overcome. Sins and/or problems related to perfectionism, distrust, lack of faith, obsessions, compulsions, personality disorders, and overwhelming anxiety and depression, among others, severely limit one's ability to move on to the latter stages of spiritual maturity. For example, surrendering one's life requires awareness and possession of a life; that is, we must know what we want, think and feel. To say it differently, we must have a self that can be broken and surrendered. Those who are people pleasers, caretakers and think almost exclusively about what others want, think and feel, to the near exclusive of self, are often void of a real self to surrender. If the self is absent, it must first be developed before it can be properly surrendered. There is no successful bypassing this necessary developmental task, if one wants to be totally surrendered and submitted, profoundly connected and loving in a way that is extreme or radical. On the other hand, those who do have a strong sense of self will find they become more aware of hidden parts of themselves and recognize the ongoing changes that occur in the self over time, all of which must be surrendered piece by piece throughout life.

Where could you begin? Perhaps asking and honestly answering the question, "Giving up what would cause me to feel uncomfortable, edgy, anxious, sad, insecure, angry, vulnerable, etc.? Much like the rich, young ruler experienced when Jesus told him to sell all he had and give it to the poor (Matthew 19:16-22). That was not a requirement for salvation, but the discriminating task highlighted his unwillingness to surrender everything to God.

The global trend toward marriage is to wait longer before committing to marriage. This is especially true in more industrialized nations where more women are working and attending college. The average age at marriage for males and females in 1900 America was 26 and 22, respectively. In 2010 it was 28 and 26. It is likely to continue moving in this direction for, at least, the near future.

I believe the breakdown in American families has resulted in adult children being overwhelmed by the painful experience of parents who divorced, distrust that a marriage will last and fear of additional hurt for themselves and their children should their marriage be one of the 50% who divorce (Christian and non-Christian). Psychologically, this is key to understanding why more of American's young people tend to put off marriage, as well as other commitments till later.  

Research has supported the idea that the later one marries the more stable the marriage, probably due to being more individually stable and mature. However, people mature at different ages, depending on many factors, such as life experience. Therefore, and for other reasons, I always strongly suggest to all couples, even those previously married, to get preengagement or premarital counseling before saying "I do." That type of counseling, beyond the usual, sometimes required pastoral counseling, should look at the two personalities, their personal histories and how they interact for good and ill, now and in the future (the counselor makes predictions). When a couple is more fully informed about themselves and each other they are in a much better position to make that important decision and, I believe, succeed in the relationship. What any couple should avoid is getting married while having considerable doubts or feeling unsure if it will work. Those doubts tends to linger and create instability. Couples need to begin the marital relationship with informed confidence. 

In the end, the question for me is not so much about what age a couple gets married, but how mature they are and how informed and realistic they are about themselves, each other and marriage.

The truth is no one is exempt from feeling anxious, many times over. Jesus felt and expressed it as evidenced by sweating drops of blood in the Garden and repeated prayers about His impending, tortuous death, yet without sinning. Who would not feel a good amount of anxiety about that? God is not condemning spontaneous, natural occurring anxiety in our corrupted and pain-filled world. He is not against anxiety, but against our negative response to anxiety or how we choose to deal with it.  The Philippians' message is not about having it or feeling it, but, as the Greek language tells us, it's about not allowing ourselves to over think or permitting a care to go too far. Our response should not be to dwell on it and permit it get a hold of us to the point that it takes over first our minds then our lives. That would make our anxiety an obsession, which can lead one beyond simply feeling anxious to being anxious; that is, a change in character, which can result in a lifelong problem. 

Philippians tells us what to do when anxious--pray about it, as Jesus did. Let me ask, "Do you think God is implying that we shouldn't or can't do anything else but pray, since that's all He said?" I don't think so. Scripture is very limited in its scope and details (about 1600 pages). In Matthew 19 Jesus said that the only cause for divorce was infidelity, but elsewhere God tells us divorce is permitted for things like abandonment, neglect of marital duties (food, clothing and conjugal rights) and the leaving of a non-Christian spouse (Exodus 21:7-11, still active, and 1 Corinthians 7). Jesus singled out infidelity to make a point; a sharp contrast to the almost unlimited reasons for divorce people (and God giving into the people) wrote into the law. Either that or He and Paul had different beliefs and the Word is inconsistent, which I don't believe. Many times Scripture assumes we have a base of knowledge and does not repeat it when introducing a change in topic or something new. If God did that every time, we'd be left with a Bible that would be a hundred thousand pages long.

Understanding the biology and psychology of anxiety gives us additional ways of managing or eliminating anxiety, such as meditation, mental imagery, relaxation, medication, changing belief systems, developing confidence in God and healthily in oneself, etc. We don't use these in place of God, but in addition, especially when one has been sorely overcome by anxiety. We can use various tools to help us deal with anxiety, such as our God-given brains that can heed God-given guidance to acquire understanding, knowledge and wisdom that we can apply to issues, such as anxiety.

But to our point. Alice Park wrote an article called "The Two Faces of Anxiety" (Time Magazine, December 5, 2011) in which she rightly said that philosophers and poets (she forgot psychologists) have always know there is an upside of anxiety. She quotes the likes of T.S. Eliot who said anxiety is "the handmaiden of creativity." It's an article worth reading.

Anxiety helps keep us from harms way--physically, emotionally and spiritually. Reasonable and brief anxiety cautions one to look for traffic before crossing a street. I have learned to trust the emotional feeling of anxiety that is connected to a person or relationship. Understanding it has saved me from making some poor choices. Also, anxiety helps us perceive and evaluate real or imagined threats. It stimulates us to think and act. Spiritually, a little anxiety about failing to please God and suffering the consequences of sin can keep us from doing wrong. 

Finally, in counseling, some anxiety is unquestionably necessary in order for a client to make progress. If a person is completely comfortable with counseling, something is wrong. Likely the therapist is not doing his or her job. A therapist is to be comforting in the support, acceptance and caring he or she gives, but he or she also leads clients to look at painful problems and tough responsibilities, which take courage to face. 

Don't worry about worrying, it's not all bad.

Depression results in biological changes that are connected to cardiovascular disease, such as: artery inflammation contributing to artery-clogging atherosclerosis, increased stress hormones, which lessens blood flow, activating the clumping of platelets that form clots, and decreasing good cholesterol, which leads to increased heart disease.

More recent research has now linked depressed women with an increased risk for stroke. Specifically, a six-year study of over 80,000 women found depressed women had a 41% greater risk for stroke than women who did not report being depressed or take anti-depressant medication.1

Yes, use of antidepressant medication is associated with an increase risk for strokes. The question that future research needs to determine is whether the higher risk for stroke is the result of antidepressant use or the result of depression for which antidepressants were taken. 

Ignoring or being unaware of depressive symptoms is a serious issue. Some of the common symptoms of depression are:  depressed mood (sad or empty feelings), loss of interest or pleasure, fatigue, sleep disturbance, changes in appetite, suicide ideology and decreased concentration. Other symptoms of depression can include being less aware of and/or motivated to eating healthily, exercising regularly and remaining in contact with supportive others.

People don't always know they are depressed because depression has many faces-- irritability, boredom, perfectionism, decreased ability to function or be productive, increased complains about physical symptoms and anaclytic depression, which is suppressed or repressed anger  taken out on the self through self-criticism or other forms of self-abuse.

If others have said you may be depressed or you are unsure if you are, get an evaluation from your physician or licensed therapist. The treatment of choice for moderate to serious depression is combined medication and talk therapy (counseling). For mild to moderate depression, talk therapy is often a better choice over medication. Don't delay, get help for your heart and for your peace of mind.  

1 Miller, Michael Craig, M.D. Depression and heart disease in women. Harvard Mental health Newsletter. February 2012: Vol 28, No.                        8, pp. 1,2.

Think about the spirit in which the Ten Commandments were written. Exodus chapter 20 reveals these laws to us: have no other gods before Him, do not make any idol, do not take His name in vain, keep the sabbath holy, honor your mother and father, and do not murder, commit adultery, steal, bear false witness, or covet. Do you see an unspoken theme in these laws? That theme is the same as the the eleventh commandment.

Jesus said to His disciples, "'A new [eleventh] commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another'" (John 13:34). In the Greek, the word "new" isn't referring to something original or brand new, but new in that it is refreshed, or said in another way. Jesus' words are an example of poetry known as parallelism (this form being a symmetrical expression of the same idea--"love one another") making these words catchy, stand out and, perhaps, easier to remember. He wanted all His disciples, present and future, to get this--"love" is chief above all. It is iterated in other words of Jesus, that the greatest two commandments of all time are to love God and love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39). The next verse, 40, says "'On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.'" And Romans 13:10 says, "love therefore is the fulfillment of the law."

Why is it so important to God that we have love over and above all else beyond the one just mentioned--fulfillment of the law and prophets? For many reasons, such as God not only loves, but "is" love; that is, it is His nature and not just a behavior. In John 34:35 we find another reason loving one another is foundational--"'By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.'" Love is the perfect bond of unity, which Jesus deeply wants and earnestly prayed about--"that they all maybe one, even as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You, that they also may be in Us; that the world may believe that You did send Me [emphasis mine]'" (John 17:21). The primary way Jesus is revealed to the world and glorified is through the love we have for and show to one another.

This Biblical, agape love is not ordinary, not common, but much, much more. It is radical. It requires everything. It brings one to becoming unconditionally willing to give up all to Him and to others in genuine need. In Acts, believers shared all possessions. In Jesus' life, love is seen in leaving His heavenly home and family and coming to earth, having no place to sleep, compassionately ministering in every way to those around Him, and then, having no greater love than this, He surrendered His life to be broken and killed. We are to go beyond loving those that love us, to a radical love that includes our enemies, the lowly, difficult, undeserving, sinners, unlovely and different.

Are you loving from a distance? Do you permit yourself to be vulnerable in giving love? Do you give it only to those who love you back? Do you go out of your way to love those who are hard or scary? I don't believe we Christians (that includes me) love well, but we love safely and conveniently. We allow ourselves to be too busy with incidentals and our own schedules. We do not love one another in the way that allows for the formation of deep emotional and spiritual bonds, which are beacons to the world declaring we are unique and offer something substantial beyond any other religion, culture or pleasure. 

I should think that anyone who loves well has succeeded in becoming Christlike; the best person he or she could. I believe to express love and be love is the greatest challenge to becoming a mature Christian. In so doing, we keep the law, avoid sin, bring heaven to earth, and provide the brightest and purist light available to draw the world's attention to the Jesus behind our loving one another.

What most any Christian would tell you is people who are sincere about their faith do their very best to follow the example of Jesus Christ; to become like Him. But lets take a closer look and reevaluate the extent to which the majority of Christian Americans are living like Jesus. 

Perhaps your first  thought (defensive? You decide.) is, "No one is perfect, so there are going to be many significant differences between any Christian's life and that of the Perfect One." Call me cynical, but most Christian Americans are so far from living out the earthly life of Christ that the surrounding unbelievers don't see much of Him in their lives, and I confess, all this applies in good measure to me as well. It may be hard to see in yourself or believe it to be true, but read on, and determine for yourself what differences exist between your life and His earthly life. For me, coming to this truth is one of those defining moments in life where everything changes; when the lights go on, truth grabs you by collar and disequilibrium is a matter of heart, not the ear. It creates an immediate, unforgettable experience that fills every pore with the revolutionary truth that you can never return to the way you lived life before knowing. You have passed a point of no return. Those moments come unpredictably and often accompanied by fear, but I must say, they are life to me. I believe in giving up who I am today for the person I might become tomorrow. Yet, it is uncomfortable to say the least.

Who is Jesus of the Bible, really? Meek, always in peaceful control, never flustered, stoic, dispassionate, humorous, serious-minded, a hard man and God with high expectations and demands, a critical parent looking to point out your faults, just kind, always forgiving everything, a keeper of the law or is it more important to Him to be a keeper of relationships? Because He committed no sin could He really understand the feeling of guilt or lack self-esteem? Since He knew God, talked with God and was God was His faith ever really challenged? Was He tempted by romantic love or sexual desire? The list of questions could go on for there are many things that we will not absolutely know during our lifetime concerning His life. His actions at times seem contradictory and sometimes incomprehensible. Being God He is without limit, boundless and beyond understanding. We can only know some things about Him. So, any attempt to become like Him has serious limitations. 

There are very, very few passages reflecting the live of Jesus that cannot be summed up in one potentially life-changing word. Of all the descriptors of Him I have ever heard, there is one that stands above the rest; one that is obvious, that we must model if we are to honestly say we are like Him. It accompanies most every characteristic of His and is the background and foreground of His life. See if you can discover that word through reading of Scripture, a few of which are presented here:

Matthew: "'do not resist an evil person'" (5:39); "'love your enemy'" (5:44); "'when you give to the poor, don't let your left hand know...'" (6:3); "'Do not give what is holy to dogs or cast your pearls before swine'" (7:6); "'Lord, Lord did we not prophesy in Your name...cast out demons...perform many miracles? And then I [Jesus] will declare...'I never knew you, depart from Me...''" (7:22,23); "'I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves'" (10:16); "Jesus...on the Sabbath...began to pick heads of grain...the Pharisees...said...'not lawful to do on a Sabbath'" (12:1,2); Pharisees ask Jesus,"'Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders...'" (15:2); Jesus says divorce is permitted in the case of adultery but not the 1,000 other reasons people added to the law. "The disciples said to Him, 'If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.' But He said to them, 'not all men can accept this statement'" (19:10,11); To their faces, He labels the scribes and Pharisees by repeatedly saying, "hypocrites...fools and blind men...serpents...brood of vipers (23:14-33); "'I was hungry...thirsty...a stranger...naked...sick...in prison [and they did nothing for the people and indirectly for Jesus]...These will go away into eternal punishment...'" (25:41-46)  and "'My God, My God why have you forsaken me?'" (27:46).   

Luke:  "''To you [disciples] it has been granted to know the mysteries of the kingdom of God, but to the rest it is in parables, so that seeing they may not see, and hearing they may not understand''" (8:10); "'The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head'" (9:58); "'...none of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his own possessions'" (14:33); and "And being in agony He was praying very fervently; and his sweat became like drops of blood, falling upon the ground [stress related disorder--hematidrosis]'" (22:44).

These few examples reveal the life He lived was radical. It takes great courage to consistently give up what we have and who we are to live the life Jesus modeled--RADICAL. 

If you want to be more like Him than you are presently, I suggest searching for two other willing people, discuss what a radical life looks like and support each other in fulfilling that role, which God asks of all His followers. That is part of our cross--to choose boldness over safety, truth over socialized politeness, and revolution over a comfortable peace. This time, call me seriously cynical, but I seriously doubt there will be many takers, maybe 1%. That means if less than one hundred people read this blog, no one will take up the call. Living radically is just too radical! Jesus said that it would be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom. I believe it is that difficult to think for oneself and choose a radical life; that is, for those who are tamed by Christianity, accustomed to having their desires and needs fed, unknowingly fall into living a prosperity gospel existence and/or adhere to Christian American cultural expectations of how to live a godly life.

How much do you really want to be like Jesus? How much do I? Will you ask, "What is enough to get by on? Or will you take the attitude, "I'll never settle"?

The Walters of the world are never content nor satisfied with what they have. They feel the need to escape the unfulfilled life they live. The "grass is greener," "just one more dollar" and "Mr. Right is waiting for me" thinking predominates. Scripture puts it this way, "Nor are the eyes of man ever satisfied" (Proverbs 27:20b). It can be due to greed, lust and the need for never-ending security that lead lost souls on a quest for that which is unattainable, as they do not really understand what they want or need. It is an itch that can't be scratched, a longing that cannot be met and a thirst that is unquenchable, which every human being, born or yet to be, sharply experiences. 

As the Walters of the earth would likely testify, living in one's head and not in reality is a much safer and pleasurable place to be. As has been said, "Fantasy is better than reality." But it is ironic for Mitty and some others not to find success in their own world of imagination, since one has complete control over the outcome. It is important to know that engaging in fantasy can be tragic, but is also necessary. Tragic in that excessive fantasizing prevents living life. As Henry David Thoreau once fearfully wrote, he didn't want to find at the end of his life that he had not yet lived. Yet, fantasy is a forerunner of success. Creativity and advancing ourselves personally and our culture begin with fantasies; that is, ones that are useful and productive; that lead to action. Indeed, there is a point at which we do not and should not settle for what is, but are lifted up and carried forward by the winds of possibilities of what could be. 

What is it that people crave, are blindly obsessed by, yet rarely ever get? Material things only temporarily satisfy, glory is fleeting, power corrupts, knowledge puffs up, control is illusory and feelings of love are fickled. Are all fated to see life as Solomon--vain, without purpose, and concluding life's best is finding some pleasure in a lover and satisfaction from work? Is that all there is? Is there nothing left but daydreams? Perhaps then we, as Walter Mitty, should conclude our lives by proudly and courageously facing our own imminent death, which, for him, was a fanciful firing squad without a blindfold. However, we are fortunate in that there is something more, something that does satisfy.

The vain life described above is a life without God. What every person yearns for is connection with others, which cannot be complete without a relationship with God. In Him we find community, truth, structure for living, peace for our souls, forgiveness, an breakable bond, a family to belong to, a secure future, and unconditional mercy, grace, acceptance and love. Being born to spiritual life seriously satisfies the human itch, longing and thirst. In good measure and in reality we Christians may live the Walter Mitty life--we are perfect in Christ, gods, heirs to the kingdom and will rule with our brother and Son of God, Jesus. Is that life exciting enough for you? Can you learn to be content with what you have and the life you live? That is, unless God is truly calling you to live differently, in which case you need to be bold and take hold of that life. It is a matter of discernment and self-control to be content, while still seeking to be your best self and live the life you imagine.

Please read this sobering, brief article by Annalyn Censky retrieved from CNNMoney.com:

The United States holds a disproportionate amount of the world's rich people. It only takes $34,000 a year, after taxes, to be among the richest 1% in the world. That's for each person living under the same roof, including children. (So a family of four, for example, needs to make $136,000.)So where do these lucky rich people live? As of 2005 -- the most recent data available -- about half of them, or 29 million lived in the United States, according to calculations by World Bank economist Branko Milanovic in his book The Haves and the Have-Nots. Another four million live in Germany. The rest are mainly scattered throughout Europe, Latin America and a few Asian countries. Statistically speaking, none live in Africa, China or India despite those being some of the most populous areas of the world. The numbers put into perspective the idea of a rapidly growing global middle class.

Sure, China and India are seeing their economies grow quickly, and along with that growth, large portions of their populations are also becoming richer. But remember, the emerging world is starting from a very low base to begin with, so its middle class is just that -- still emerging, says Milanovic. "It doesn't seem right to define as middle class, people who would be on food stamps in the United States," Milanovic said. The true global middle class, falls far short of owning a home, having a car in a driveway, saving for retirement and sending their kids to college. In fact, people at the world's true middle -- as defined by median income -- live on just $1,225 a year. (And, yes, Milanovic's numbers are adjusted to account for different costs of living across the globe.) In the grand scheme of things, even the poorest 5% of Americans are better off financially than two thirds of the entire world.

What a wakeup call—“even the poorest 5% of Americans are better off financially than two thirds of the entire world.” But let us not stop there. Instead of comparing your life with those around you, compare your life with how Jesus lived. At best, He had only one extra set of clothes, no air conditioning, no Aquafina or municipal water fountains, little to no body lotion to combat the dry and arid land. He traveled by foot—not possessing a car, bike, horse or even a donkey. He had no scholarship or family college fund, no Sleep Number Bed, no underarm deodorant, no hot shower, no Cottonelle toilet paper, no computer and He couldn’t browse the Internet. And unlike ET, he couldn’t phone home or email His BFF. He never listened to music CD’s, cried at movie or laughed at a TV program, reminisced while viewing a family album, or leisurely board a plane to a beautiful vacation spot. He had no income, no home, no retirement account, no medical or dental plan and only a limited selection of and no pantry of food. Life was harsh and uncertain. Today, life expectancy in America is around 78, while in Jesus’ day it was about 35—not much time for leisure, accumulation of wealth or changing careers.

Perhaps it should be a goal of every individual or part of our formal education for everyone to visit and help out a person in a third world area or country. I have witnessed people living in dilapidated tin huts and those who made cardboard boxes their homes while their only food was others’ discarded leftovers in dumping grounds. Those unforgettable experiences shaped my life. Those kinds of experiences help return us to the knowledge and reality of how many of the world’s comforts we Americans possess and how good life is here. These understandings can change us and prompt us toward greater thankfulness for freedom, inventors, capitalism and God who make all this possible. And if we set our minds on things above, the immaterial, we can find a renewed appreciation for the many (and ultimate) sacrifices Jesus made for you and me while on earth. His unqualified giving provides us with spiritual riches the world searches for and fights over—love, peace, joy, security and life without end. Beyond the comforts and material things of this world we have Him and He has us. Though no life is without considerable pain and groaning, we Christians in America are both materially and spiritually rich. Most of us live better than all the kings and rich people of the remote past.

This perspective gives new meaning to these challenging words: “Do not weary yourself to gain wealth, cease from your consideration of it” (Proverbs 23:4). “If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content. But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction” (1 Timothy 6:8,9).

Please check out her bio and contact information at cccrd.org and then click on About...Meet the Staff, as well as Contact. 

Many initially think of being vulnerable as a sign of weakness, which leaves one open to physical and/or emotional harm, and that's how it is defined. It comes from a Latin word meaning to "wound." Our natural instinct is toward self-protection and, to many, being personally wounded has no value and, therefore, should be avoided at all costs. But there is more to consider— a good, necessary and required vulnerability.

How vulnerable are most Christians living out in the world or with each other? Not very vulnerable at all. Most are too polite, fearful, ill-informed and self-protective. Without much thought they end up valuing things like: never offend anyone, avoid conflict at all costs, don’t disagree with others (especially those in leadership), don’t inform others about your personal boundaries, don't associate with people who don't believe what you believe (Christian or not), don’t discuss controversial issues, etc. Where is honest communication? If you want to know why there is so little community in the Christian world, it is because instead of embracing vulnerability they build a life of invulnerability--a life where safety and security are self-made and disconnected from spiritual reason and faith in God; a life that is lived defensively, detached, isolated and rigid, where one cannot personally grow or become more Christlike. (Most growth comes from relational interactions.)

Vulnerability is good, necessary and even spiritually required. A young child is vulnerable—trusting, open and accepting—and it is one of the qualities we love in children, actually in people. Scripture tells us to become like children in our relationship to God and with one another. That doesn't mean we don't think about consequences or rightly defend ourselves or discern who are and are not trustworthy people. We are to be wise and use common sense in regards to being vulnerable. God does not ask something of us that He isn’t willing to do Himself and being vulnerable is one such thing.

God, the Father and Jesus live a life of vulnerability. He reveals Himself to the world. He gives free will to his created angels and to humans, leaving Him vulnerable to ridicule, rejection and manipulation (one third of God's angels left heaven). Jesus being born into the world is an extreme example of becoming vulnerable, as was His accepting His humiliation and brutal death. When we communicate we are revealing who we are, what we believe and what we value. In so doing, we are being vulnerable, thereby risking being attacked. But without revealing we cannot be known. Without being known we cannot determine who is trustworthy. Without trust we cannot have deep and meaningful relationships. Also, think how awesomely vulnerable a person must become to see oneself as he or she is, to die to self, confess sins and ask for forgiveness and salvation.

We all want to feel and know we are secure in this world, but to what degree can we and at what expense? Did not Jesus say we are to be as sheep among wolves? Are we not to be His voice in the world, which leaves us vulnerable to criticism and even being martyred? He not only asks us, but expects us to be vulnerable, just as He did in His earthly life. This is part of the cross we all carry. Along with that expectation He promises to never leave or forsake us and His presence helps us to be courageous and face hardship.

Being vulnerable, accompanied by wise or reasonable self-protection and faith in God’s help and deliverance, is a far better way to live than a life of inevitable loneliness that comes from invulnerability. Our safety and security are not found much in this life, but are in fixing our hope completely on Jesus to bring us safely to eternal life where security is everlasting.

Research shows that the same centers in the brain that regulate pleasures, rewards and cravings become at least partially deactivated when the object of craving is satisfied. If it is not satisfied then it can induce a stress-like response.1 The brain craves many substances, such as: caffeine, alcohol, drugs, fat and sugar, the latter two of which are contained in chocolate. Does that mean it is addictive?

You may be familiar with the original 1960 movie or the 1986 remake of "Little Shop of Horrors." This comedy/sci-fi tells the story of a store owner who accidentally creates a hybrid Venus Flytrap that feeds not on soil, water and sunshine, but human blood. Again accidentally, the owner cuts his finger and the plant gets a sweet taste. (Great Christmas story, isn't it?) The owner and the plant are in love, and, as any man, he has a craving to please her and satisfy his lover's every desire. In time, he discovers, as most men do, that giving his own blood is not enough or good enough. Perhaps the owner feels unmanly, but he seeks the blood of others through murder, which undoubtedly he views as acts of love and necessary for survival--his and hers. It is unclear if the plant can take nourishment through other means than human blood. If that is the case, then the plant has an addiction, and the dysfunctional owner is enabling the addiction by feeding her what she wants, when she wants it.

Getting back on the bus to Reality. The research is not conclusive about chocolate being addictive, although you may be interested in the criteria for addiction:  an intense craving, loss of control over object of your craving, and continuing to indulge in it despite negative consequences (social conflicts or, in the case of chocolate, becoming overweight and/or irritable due to overdosing on sugar or the stimulatory effect of chocolate). It is important to distinguish between habituation and addiction. Habituation is only a psychological dependency, while addiction requires a physiological dependency. Are you able to determine whether your cravings come from the mind (psychological) or the body (physical)? Another question beyond the addiction issue is worth the asking, "Is one's craving for chocolate ever a problem or concern?"

The answer is best determined by the indulgent party: the chocolate aficionado or aficionada (feminine). If your life is disturbed by problemed thoughts or feelings of guilt and anxiety or loved ones complaining about the effects of your chocolate indulgence then, "Houston, we have a problem."

1  Miller, Michael Craig, M.D. Harvard Mental Health Newsletter. Is it possible to become addicted to chocolate? November, 2011: Vol. 28, No. 5, p. 8.  

Getting back to the point of this blog... Studies have shown this is a serious issue. In Larry Rosen's 2011 article in The National Psychologist, The Google effect: Training our brains, he discussed some of the research related to the effect of Internet use. Preschoolers who watched a fast paced scene change of SpongeBob SquarePants compared to those with a slower paced show exhibited a reduction in creativity, problem solving ability and self-control. Another study revealed that video game addicts lose gray and white matter--the brain shrinks. Another point of research showed that people better remember where they stored information than what the information was about.

A savvy writer once told me that free Internet articles should be less than three pages and blogs short, if I want people to read them and not click onto another site. She said Internet users attention-span is very short. With frequent Internet use and overwhelmed by its volume of information, people want, expect and feel they need to get what they want in a paragraph or two, unlike how writers do their thing. 

Are you aware of what Internet use is doing to you? It seems it makes you smarter and dumber. 

I quickly close (so not to lose you) with Carr's articulate ending sentence from his article. "In the world of 2001 [the movie], people have become so machinelike that the most human character turns out to be a machine. That’s the essence of Kubrick’s dark prophecy: as we come to rely on computers to mediate our understanding of the world, it is our own intelligence that flattens into artificial intelligence."