Is My Companion Dependent And Irresponsible?

"I started dating a guy from my church about 4 months ago, but was quite reserved because I don't like how he handles his responsibility, n is now a little dependent on his parents as he had to move back home. He is 30, just decided to go back to school last semester. He is thinking of marriage, but I don't know if I can trust that he will become independent n responsible...he does not think he is irresponsible, and I have voiced my concerns. Am I wasting my time? Should I proceed in a relationship with him hoping that he will change?"


More young people are living at home today, even in their 30's, which may be viewed as a problem with dependency/immaturity. Today, living at home is often related to our troubled economy. Another reason could be the devastating loss of security, trust and confidence when a person's parents separated or divorced. For others it may be about a lack of direction or motivation to develop one's career. 


Your companion seems interested in improving himself through education, which is a responsible decision. Yet, it is not the only thing by which one would evaluate a person's independence and responsibility. Without additional information about his and your views and personal/ relational histories, any conclusion I might reach would only amount to a guess. 


Given the frequency of divorce for Christians or non-Christians (about 50% for first time marriages), it would be wise to seek preengagement or premarital counseling to discuss your concerns in detail. I am of the strong opinion that every couple should enter counseling to evaluate their relationship prior to marriage and seek a counselor's predictions about the couple's future relationship, which is based on a detailed history taking. Afterward, couples have a better understanding of themselves and are sufficiently informed so they can make a wise decision about whether or not to marry their partner.      


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